I want to talk about something a little personal– to me and definitely to others. It’s a difficult subject to tackle and face, but since so many our age are going through this/ have been going through this / will be going through this I wanted to talk about letting go.
Letting go of friendships that no longer serve us is a part of growing up and becoming the amazing person we are supposed to be. At this age, friendships end (maybe in a blow out, maybe silently without much cause) and it can be very difficult to go through.
I lost my best friend this past year to a blow out. This girl was someone I treated as my family– as my sister. Inseparable for 7 years but yet it came to the point of a blow out (or I guess more or less several built up instances over the course of a year). While this was hard for me (and I am sure for her as well), I have learned to respect this separation. Letting go was the best thing both of us could have done.
We had grown apart without even realizing it. We were continuing our friendship as if neither of us were growing into people that were clearly different than when we were 22 and 23 years old. Our lack of seeing eye to eye and the fights and lack of communication that came next was just a result of our growth into separate people. Instead of acknowledging the change– we ignored it. We wanted our friendship to be the same as it was when we were 22 years old. That was never going to happen. The end of our friendship made me realize that growing out of friends is normal. When we feel this happening (if we are so lucky to catch it), we should embrace it and learn to let go instead of hang on.
The situation with my best friend taught me that we should be more concerned with never growing and moving on than keeping the same friends. I am a very different person than I was 4 years ago– and I should be PROUD of that. You should be too. We should EMBRACE who we are becoming– even if it means the friends you once had fade away. It only leaves room to make new friendships that will serve who you are now.
If we keep hanging on to friendships that do not serve us, they become toxic. The moment a friendship becomes more of a struggle than it effortless– when the relationship tears you down instead of build you up– it becomes toxic. It is at this point that we should respectfully move on. That’s not to say that after one disagreement we should abandon all friendships, but have the knowledge to see when something clearly isn’t working.
This isn’t to say that we should all together stop being friends or friendly with those we’ve grown apart from. The friendship can evolve into something maybe more distant than it was before, but more respectful of each other’s boundaries. Who knows, maybe in the future your paths will align once more.
I’ve thought about this long and hard. Hell, I’ve had a whole year to learn and grow and gain perspective. At the end of the day, the only person we have to answer to is ourselves. At the end of the day, we have to make sure the relationships we have are feeding us. I’ve long fought the idea of letting go of friends, of relations, of giving up but I’ve now realized letting go is OKAY– it’s what’s good for our souls.
Have any of you gone through a similar experience? Let me know in the comments below!